I'm Ba-ack

Tumblr is getting too busy and shutting down, so I'm back to a more reliable platform.

During my hiatus I have been having an existential crisis, been slacking on housework (bane of my existence), making home-made salted caramel fudge, working night-fill, re-reading Harry Potter from the first book through, finding retro pieces to fill out my wardrobe, studying wicca, playing 'Enslaved', watching Food Documentaries, looking for full-time work (an exercise in futility at this point), living vicariously through Family and Friends on the other wide of the world, dreaming up my Bucket List, going on weekly trips to the Library and Ikea and making plans for my return to Burlesque...

If our ruinous civilization is built on a struggle of good versus evil, then its healing demands the opposite: self-acceptance, self-love, and self-trust. Contrary to our best intentions, we will never end the evil and violence of our civilization by trying harder to overcome, regulate, and control a human nature we deem evil, for the war on human nature, no less than the war on nature, generates only more separation, more violence, more hatred. "You can kill the haters," said Martin Luther King, "but you cannot kill the hate." The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. The same applies internally. You can go to war against parts of yourself you think are bad, but even if you win, like the Bolsheviks and the Maoists, the victors become the new villains. The separation from self that the campaign of willpower entails cannot but be projected, eventually, in some form, onto the outside world.

Yeah, sure, self-acceptance. . . the concept is pretty much a cliché these days. In its full expression though, the path to Reunion of self-acceptance, self-love, and self-trust is utterly radical, challenging cherished doctrines of how to be a good person. Let me state it as purely as I can: the path to salvation for us as individuals and as a society lies in being more selfish, not less.

Ascent of Humanity

 Nubby Twiglet

Tumblr

My new Tumblr account is teething.

I am liking it already more than the Blogger platform, except that I am a little confused as to how to input Pic's from sources outside Tumblr... any help?

Disappointment

So because of emotional and financial troubles, I'm unfortunately gonna have to step back from the Burlesque scene. Boo.
This blog will now be going in a more artsy direction I think... we'll see.

Let's see where the White Rabbit leads me.

Only in Australia!!!

Will you see an billboard promoting manliness in drinking milk and having a mistress.

This ad campaign of 'man up' is part of a huge wave of anti-metrosexual sentiment here in Australia. Personally I love metro men. I know who this ad is targeting. Men like my Boyfriend who get up at 5am to go to work in the morning. They want something in their belly, but not a full meal... so they go for coffee milk. I know my Boyfriends Ute is flooded with Ice Breaks, his brand of choice. The flavoured milk market in Australia among Tradies is pretty big.
So basically, a Tradie would love this ad.
A Metrosexual man probably wouldn't drink coffee milk anyway, they would go down to Gloria Jeans and order a Macchiato with Hazelnut Flavour. And there is nothing wrong with either of these choices.

Interview with Myself

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? 
That my depression will keep me from being my best self

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND?
Alternately Flat and Stressed

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION?(WAY OF SPENDING TIME)
Curled up after a hot shower in bed reading a good book with good chocolate

WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU MOST IDENTIFY WITH?
Georgia O'Keeffe, a true artist who lived solitary in the desert and defied conventions

WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE?
Lady Gaga. She is a persona larger than life, who lives and breathes awareness, symbolism, art and chaos.

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FICTIONAL HERO?
La Belle Dame Sans Merci

WHO ARE YOUR REAL-LIFE HEROES?
My sister, she is tall, exotic, at times soft, other times arrogant. She always speaks her mind, doesn't really care about other people think, and I treasure my relationship with her, even if she is a bitch sometimes.

WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION?
My books

WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST?
When I take my son to an art gallery, and he wants to go to the kids section and make things

WHAT IS YOUR MOST OBVIOUS CHARACTERISTIC?
I am extremely emotive, I seem to feel things harder than most people

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE (HATE) IN YOURSELF? 
I have very little emotional control, and the fact I can't take rejection in any form.

WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS?
I hate it when people are close minded and can't see the world clearly. The world is full of many shades of grey, not just Black and White

WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE? 
Loose leaf tea. Good Chocolate. Corsets.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE JOURNEY?
The one I have yet to take to Paris

WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE?
My nose has a weird bump. My boobs are huge (and saggy) My belly has a line where the muscles kind of grew apart when I was pregnant, and it never has quite gone back the way it was. Some days I love these flaws and work with them, they make me who I am. Other days I am extremely insecure about them.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVER-RATED VIRTUE?
Unselfishness. I once lived my life only to make others happy. All it did was make me miserable.

ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE?
There is truth and lies in every aspect of life, My biggest lie is the persona and mask I put on when I walk out into the world. But everybody does it. If I didn't, if I showed myself truly, the vulnerability would be exploited.

WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVER-USE?
You know?

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I would not have Depression. People underestimate the power in which it can take over every minute of every day and deprive me of colour, joy and motivation.

WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT?
My son.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE?
In a small Queenslander on some land in the bush, but still close to shops and the city. I would love to own some weird animals, a llama, a deer...

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A MAN?
Sincerity.

WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST ADMIRE IN A WOMAN?
Positivity.

WHAT IS IT YOU MOST DISLIKE?
Anger and Rejection

WHAT DO YOU VALUE MOST IN YOUR FRIENDS? 
I have very few close friends, because I am waiting for a friend who can handle my intensity.

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE?
In my sleep.

IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR AN ANIMAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE?
A jaguar.

IF YOU COULD CHOOSE AN OBJECT TO COME BACK AS, WHAT WOULD YOU CHOOSE? 
A sculpture

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO (WORDS YOU LIVE BY OR THAT MEAN A LOT TO YOU)?
Kia Kaha. Maori for 'Be Strong'

WHO HAS BEEN THE GREATEST INFLUENCE ON YOU?
My son

Hell yes, we are!

yumnaaa.

Gala Darling has finally done another style tips post, one tip for each day of the week! Tuesday's tip is:

Tuesday 12th October
Do this on every Tuesday from now on! Write in your Filofax, Moleskine, calendar page or phone, “Organise weekend”! This way, you’ll always have something to do, you have three days to prepare & get excited about it, & you can give anyone else you want to bring along ample notice! (Thanks, Tim Ferriss!)

Ever since it's opening, I have wanted really bad to go to the Mana Bar.
It's a Video Game Bar.
As in a bar you sit down and button mash to kill zombies, race cartoons and save damsels in distress - while drinking cocktails.
Genius.
And the cocktails look great:

Mana Potion

 Ocarina of Lime

Did I mention it's Free Entry? And they are sponsoring the Brisbane Zombie Walk?
Now I just need to find someone to go with... any takers?

Regina Spektor - Hallelujah (09-13-2005)

Some Quick Portfolio Shots

All shots by my sister Elly. The Dress is from a Swap Meet, I picked it up for $4. Alice band from Diva. Pearl Necklace and Bracelet are so old, I don't remember where they came from :)

Aroha Diptych

Aroha Diptych by James Ormsby, my Uncle and Art Influence.

Gratitude this Week

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’~Lao Tzu

 keerakeera

Kawaii Sookie and Bill from True Blood. Love it so much! I have devoured Season 3 and am so excited about the developments happening, especially to Alexander Skarsgard's character Eric Northman. I loves him.

Having someone come up with the great Idea of having a Brisbane Burlesque website with event information. So Great, because I think it is so important to keep performers in Brisbane, having fun, building up the scene and a fan base here.

Other Things I Love This Week

Art vs. Science > Candles > Ray Ban Sunnies > Induction Training for my new Job (night-fill for a discount department store, but hey, it's money) > Mocha Ice Cream > Spartacus: Blood and Sand > Doing some sketches for Bridesmaid dresses for my Sisters Wedding next year > Bed > Homemade Pizza > Going shopping with my Tall, Exotic looking Sister and having her asked to be a in a music video (hello? i'm standing right here?) > Washington (the singer; not that state or city) > A birthday party that was Rocket themed with a table full of colour co-ordinated lollies, popcorn, cupcakes with stars (giving me idea's for my son's birthday in Dec, I'm thinking Dr. Suess > Trying on Shoes > Planning Blog posts > 'Little from column A, a little from column B' > Looking through Fashion and Makeup Blogs and planning a wardrobe overhaul (when I have the money?) > Sleeping in > Still reading Phillip Pullman's book two in the 'His Dark Materials' series > Wil Andersen from the Gruen Transfer :)

The Age Newspaper

Performing at Barsoma on Sunday was amazingly fun, and I love the vibes and the people. I am eagerly anticipating tonight, hanging with my sisters, watching Lola the Vamp and Coppelia Jane at Ric's, and then running around the corner to Barsoma to see this licentious lineup:
Sweet Soul Sister's
La Viola Vixen
Julz DiVine
Lady Cave
Dynamite Boom Boom
Blaike Starlet
Davina Mercy
Diamond Dahlia
The Judy Dolls (I highly recommend you click these ones, they will whisk you over to some great youtube video performances)
As well as the Pillowbook Girls doing body painting during the night.
The anticipation!!!!
Yay.

Dali

• The art of Salvador Dalí, an extreme metaphor at a time when only the extreme will do, constitutes a body of prophecy about ourselves unequaled in accuracy since Freud's "Civilization And Its Discontents". Voyeurism, self-disgust, the infantile basis of our fears and longings, and our need to pursue our own psychopathologies as a game — these diseases of the psyche Dali has diagnosed with dismaying accuracy. His paintings not only anticipate the psychic crisis which produced our glaucous paradise, but document the uncertain pleasures of living within it. The great twin leitmotifs of the 20th century — sex and paranoia — preside over his life, as over ours.
  • J. G. Ballard, "Introduction" to Diary of a Genius (1974) by Salvador Dalí

 The Hallucinogenic Toreador

Reveiw

We drove into the car park at McWhirters and saundered around the block chatting away about how great Garuva's Tranquility Bar was last week. The footpath was uneven, and I really had to focus on where I was stepping, but was so excited when I turned the corner into Constance St and saw the sign for Barsoma. There was a VW Bug on the side of the road painted Green and Gold. A girl from the class crossed the road with curlers in her hair. Another one was on the phone just outside the door.
The space was retro, clean and comfy. The bartenders were cheeky. The change rooms were full of props and graffiti. I had booked a table for six. Myself, my boyfriend (without who I would not have even been able to go to dance classes), my two sisters and their respective partners. It was about 5:30pm and I saw Chad and Kat trying to figure out who was dancing where and how. La Viola Vixen had been stuck in Sydney, having her flight cancelled. As Lola kept saying 'She has been kidnapped by Virgins'

The wrap sheet was scrawled on a napkin.
The photographer was taking photos of the mayhem.
The girls and I were trying to figure out music and fans and run through with the stage in mind.
Talking over the top of each other and giggling nervously.
It was exciting and time was accelerating closer and closer to the time we were meant to perform and I was trying to split my time between my little family at my table (now eating pizza and beer-battered chips) and the girls backstage, getting changed, bossing each other around, complementing the costumes, oozing with pride and nervous excitement.

=UtenaTenjou1212
Our fan performance was first on stage, starting at 7pm. We marched in, on stage and in front, the stage lights hot, the faces we were performing too, eager. Of course there were mistakes (It was our first time on stage, and it was uneven) but for the most part, we did it. And it was Hot. I felt like my smile was going to quiver off my face.
Once off it was a quick scramble to get changed and get back out there to watch a solo. Jasmine from Aladdin became a bikie chick. I was finally able to relax and watch some of the video that my sister took of my performance. It needs editing, but will be on you-tube soon and I will be linking to it! Many photos were taken, drinks ordered, dirty jokes told.

~PsikoPower
The band, 'Card Houses' got up and played a set, great to listen to, too loud to really talk over. Classic kind of rock with a lead singer who was playing with a synth alot. Not dance music either, just kinda chill the room out a bit.
The Parasol routine was next, and was so cute with the hide and peek. I especially love the part where the legs are shown up over the Parasol on the floor. The music was cut off awkwardly, because it was not the same mix that they had been learning and practicing to. More solo's.
Paige La Belle was cheeky during her Go-go routine, and probably the most comfortable solo performer that night, and everyone cheered her on. Ruby Le Rose was next doing an extremely risque chair routine, and then a long wait (wardrobe malfunction) for the last solo performance: Lily le Raven.
Chad St James, Lola and Lady Cave all stepped forward taking turns on the mike to entertain, educate and tease. There was one serious moment when Lady Cave gave some great advice to all amateur Burlesque girls. Get people to come, and get them to drink. That is how you get paid. The more gigs we get in Brisbane, the better, the less we have to travel to do shows, the better. It definitely gave me some food for thought.

*JAtothemuthafinC
All in all it was a great night and venue with a very supportive and understanding environment for us to start in. Big thank you's to Chad St James, for being full of drama and angst, and keeping us feeling like stars. Lola the Vamp for cheering us up and on. Kat Creasey for stepping in for Viola. Huge thank you to my Boyfriend, who is supportive of this new crazy venture I'm doing (he watches my son for me when I have to go to dance class), helps me come up with ideas, and he pays for my costumes (unemployment sucks ass). Also my sister, Elly and her Hubby Rick, for drinks and pizza and parking, photos and video and many drunken antics, Jai and Rob for their support and encouragement. Everyone else who turned up! All the girls at the Bombshell Burlesque and Beauty Academy for professionalism and keeping the show going :)
I am so glad to be a part of this and just want to sink deeper and deeper into it. I kept saying after the performance, "Oh, my God! I wanna do it again!"

And I do.

Things I Love This Week

FlyLady is an online nagger to get you to do housework. I get lazy and depressed sometimes, and this website takes things like dishes and laundry and vaccuming and bathrooms and all that and chops them into bite size chunks that are a little more palatable. I <3 how organised I get sometimes. Other times I'm just 'meh'.

It's SPRING!!!! I wanna get floral! (which is weird, because I've never been into floral prints, not since I was about 5) but I am loving Vivienne Westwoods 2010 Ready to Wear S/S collection:

Vogue I love the colour of these tights. The Stripy shorts, and the Showgirl Feather in the hair :)

Alexander McQueen has passed from this world, but his last collection shows what a genius he was. Look at that reptile print. Swoon.

Other Things That Have Me Revved Up:

Dress Rehersals for my Burlesque Debut on Sunday: Qsesh at Barsoma <3 Listening to Dean Martin Live in Las Vegas with my boyfriend <3 Skull Telephone <3 Getting the Internet connected <3 Photos from LA and Vegas from my Mum and Dad who justed moved stateside <3 Frank Frazetta Calendar <3 Having a clean kitchen <3 Giggling 3 year old <3 Having him say 'robots in disguise' every time he talks about Transformers, (which is alot) <3 Live Band, Mojito's and talking about the World Culture Revolution with someone I just met <3 Talking over the top of each other with my sister's <3 3 Cheese New York Pizza in the Valley 11pm on a Thursday night <3 Finding great blogs to follow <3 Watching the original Moulin Rouge movie, a bio on Henri Toulouse-Lautrec <3 Getting my corset, and teastaining it because it was the wrong colour. And the putting it on upside down at the dress rehearsal. DOH!! <3 Seeing Lola the Vamp perform at Ric's Bar with Viola Vixen and Amelie Lulu flitting around the room, and dancing in my heels to the house music with about 6 guys buying me and my sister drinks. And then leaving early :) <3 My blog <3 Job Interviews, I better get a job soon, damn it <3 Honey and Camomile Shower Gel <3 Eating Salads and drinking water <3 Magnum Caramel Ego - and then winning a freebie <3 Stretching and Practicing until Minnie the Moocher is stuck in my head all day <3 Loose Leaf Chai Tea with Scotch Fingers <3

Toulouse-Lautrec: Things aren’t always the way they seem.

Christian: Things are exactly the way they seem.

Toulouse-Lautrec: Christian, you may see me only as a drunken, vice-ridden gnome whose friends are just pimps and girls from the brothels. But I know what love is, only because I long for it with every fiber of my being. She loves you, I know it, I know she loves you.

-Moulin Rouge!

La Belle Dame sans Merci by John Waterhouse

O what can ail thee, knight at arms,
     Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has wither'd from the lake,
     And no birds sing.

O What can ail thee, knight at arms,
     So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel's granary is full,
     And the harvest's done.

I see a lily on thy brow
     With anguish moist and fever dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
     Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
     Full beautiful, a fairy's child;
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
     And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
     And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look'd at me as she did love,
     And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
     And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
     A fairy's song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
     And honey wild, and manna dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
     I love thee true.

She took me to her elfin grot,
     And there she wept, and sigh'd full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
     With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep,
     And there I dream'd—Ah! woe betide!
The latest dream I ever dream'd
     On the cold hill's side.

I saw pale kings, and princes too,
     Pale warriors, death pale were they all;
They cried—"La belle dame sans merci
     Hath thee in thrall!"

I saw their starv'd lips in the gloam
     With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here
     On the cold hill's side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
     Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither'd from the lake,
     And no birds sing.

La Belle Dame sans Merci

We were schooled to be Robots

“Very little of what is taught is learned, very little of what is learned is remembered, and very little of what is remembered is actually used,” as John Holt states in How Children Learn.
4 Reasons to Change the Way we think about School by Mary Hickcox

History shows that modern-day schooling started with the Industrial Revolution, but many still refuse to accept that the people who funded its inception did not have children’s education as their main priority. Men like Rockefeller and Carnegie wanted good obedient workers to take the jobs they needed filled. They didn’t want free-thinking students to reach their potential; they wanted a large dumbed-down class, just disciplined and smart enough to show up on time and work their factory jobs.

In a time when our economy desperately needs more innovators, how can we change education to expand the potential of each child? It seems we must do some things we did NOT learn in school: Question assumptions about education; think for and believe in ourselves; speak up against what we know is wrong; and challenge what we’ve been taught to believe is right.

Getting Back to Basics by Alfie Kohn

The first problem is that raising standards has come to mean little more than higher scores on poorly designed standardized tests. The more schools commit themselves to improving performance on these tests, the more meaningful opportunities to learn are sacrificed. Every hour spent drilling students to ace these exams is an hour not spent helping them become creative, critical, curious learners...
For us to question the reliance on lectures, work sheets, drills and memorization, we must confront the possibility that we spent a good chunk of our childhoods doing stuff that was exactly as pointless as we suspected it was at the time.

“The secret to American schooling is that it doesn’t teach the way children learn, nor is it supposed to. Schools were conceived to serve the economy and the social order rather than kids and their families….that is why it is compulsory.” - John Taylor Gatto, NY Teacher of the Year

“The education system was deliberately designed to produce mediocre intellects, to hamstring the inner life, to deny students appreciable leadership skills, and to ensure docile and incomplete citizens in order to render the populace ‘manageable.’” — Charlotte Thomson Iserbyt, Sr. Policy Advisor for the US Dept. of Education

John Holt said it well: “To trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves … but most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted.”


So what is wrong with the idea of Child-Driven Education? 

What is this?

What is this desire to reinvent oneself? I do not dare to hope. Once I dreamed. Every flower like a rose in snow opening.

 

Flick River

To live outside the thousand impositions, without inordinate fear, needless apology. Invent myself with Scratch.
Human Voices. They come, they die away. And this....
This luminous alphabet and how the syllables move round and soft, to coo and smooth. To safety. To dream.
Once I roamed an imaginative land. Joy punctuating the landscape, drenched in sunlight. Limitation, like death, incomprehensible. Heart beating wildly. won't-die, won't-die. The pure erotics of childhood. Of everything there is to say and everything there is to do and be. The potential!

~shve

Hugging every tree, twirling in the rain. Dancing freely with no constraints or embarrassment to a dizzy song in my head. Wandering free with a tendency to explore joy, pleasure, irreverence, kindness and empathy. The Irresistible Universe.

BWZone

I flew with arms extended once. Sang with candlelight. Dug to earth. Adored the Green Rain Smell. In freedom I imagined being anything, going anywhere. Everything was possibility, All options and optimism.

Kourete

And if teachers or other forces tried to quell my enthusiasm early on - well, they were easy enough to ignore. Didn't they always want to reduce a complicated and terrible and terribly beautiful universe? I did not notice.
Imagine the shock of puberty when imagination seemed to desert me? When everything I loved seemed taken away. Roamed freely and unencumbered, the voices out of nowhere started demanding in a kind of staggered unison and from every direction the same thing: Conform. Conform. CONFORM.

Cyeos

The message was death.
Abandon song, Conform.
Abandon irreverence, Conform.
Surrender you freedom and all you love, Conform.
Against your nature, against intuition... DO SOMETHING USEFUL.

How did I find myself suddenly estranged in a black sea with a black sky and a black wave ready to engulf me? At sea in an adulthood not of my own making? EXILED. I struggled, trapped under glass.
I was Glass, i felt my wings disintegrating as I pulled away from the pins.

Insects of Iowa

The cracks and stresses are showing, bulging & I always have been.
The Stress Of Wanting To Know What To Do!!!!
The burden of a self repressed talent, completely unrealised, utterly nebulous, just a pressing, nothing even close to words. Yet.
Leave all that behind. Discouragement from every side. Even before I had barely begun. Goodbye.
Who is that sniveling baby who feels so terribly sorry for herself? I'm walking slowly but undeniably further and further into my remoteness. Not so lonely there really. A terrible weight of conventions on me and the Arrogance of it's demands. Such a subtle method? Give up your life for mine, step into line, hand it over now, and go quietly. Who is that in the Mirror who asks for one hopeful thing and tries (its a little pitiful) to console myself, or erase myself.
What in the world is she wishing?

Alice in Dead Land

Last Year...

A New Chapter

My sister and dad both have Alopecia, on graduating High School my sister decided to stop wearing her head scarves and be bald and beuatiful. I supported her by joining her (if only temporarily)